


Hope

by moony_clo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Angst, Happy Ending, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Parent Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, the 100 au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moony_clo/pseuds/moony_clo
Summary: It has been twenty-five years since the last Quarter Quell. Twenty-six since a brave girl from district 12 tried to change it all by standing up to the Capitol during her final moments in the arena.Sanctum's been running a bit differently since then. After that happened, we ended up losing all of our victors in the Quarter Quell. Well, all but Finnick. Her actions had changed so much about our world, they thought that our way of life was harsh and strict then...Now it's that time again, and this year's twist is going to be a doozy. Too bad the people of Sanctum won't realize that the supposed evening out of the tributes is just another deception brought to you by the ever-lovely Capitol. Just when we thought "fair" was about to enter our vocabulary. How very foolish of us all...Welcome to the 100th Hunger Games *:･ﾟ
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	Hope

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Simple Pleasures](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15686817) by [Pawprinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pawprinter/pseuds/Pawprinter). 



> My absolute love for @pawprinter 's adaptation of this au in her story titled Simple Pleasures is what inspired me to write this fic. (linked above!) I couldn't get it out of my head so I decided to put my spin on the two stories as well!  
> (* ͡◕ ᴗ◕)つ━━✫・*。  
> \----  
> This chapter is inspired by that scene in Twilight New Moon that I never truly understood until I got older. Despite desperately wanting to and absolutely pretending that I did. So do your best to picture Possibility by Lykke Li playing in the background and the seasons changing, even though our Clarke can't see them from where she is.  
> \----  
> “There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.”  
> ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind  
> Enjoy ♡

Do you ever have those days when the world just fades away from you?

When nothing feels real anymore…

When it takes all that you have just to keep your eyes open.

The world blurs just outside your peripheral as you stare up at the ceiling. A slight ringing sound as you settle into the silence of the room. It's meditative in a way, zoning out like this. Being able to feel calm after suffering in a storm for so long is a gift... It's the only form of comfort that I have here. This falsified reality that I've concocted for myself.

All the while repeating my mantra of everything's okay, I'm going to be fine, look at how calm I am, can't be relaxed if there's something to fear, etcetera.

In these moments, I can almost remember what it was like before…

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

_In the holding room before my father's execution, they let us come in to say goodbye. It was a luxury not offered to most families in this situation. A small favor that our friends risked to provide for us. They couldn't save him, but, they could offer us this moment._

_My poor mom was shaking from head to toe the moment we walked in. I couldn't help noticing that she could barely tear her eyes from the floor. While my eyes could scarcely leave my fathers face. His smile lined wonderfully comforting face... I missed him before he'd even gone. The gaping hole in my chest already starting to form._

  
_He captured her up in a big hug, kissing all over her face and telling her how much he loved her while she cried in his arms._

  
_Then it was my turn for goodbye. He scooped me up in his famous bear huggy way, whispering that it'd be okay and not to worry while swinging me back and forth._

_Before I could think about what I was about to say, I whispered back, "Dad, I know. I know, and I promise that I'll find a way to warn them all. I swear that I will." I felt his body tense beneath me before letting me down._

  
_My mom was back to my side, gripping me like she was afraid someone was going to take me from her too. He held both of our faces for a moment, told us how much he loved us… then they took him outside. We were given a moment to compose ourselves before they walked us out to the pit._

  
_See, this is how they deter any possible future unrest. Any conflict with the Capitol and their rules gets dealt with no mercy and an audience. Thus the punishment for those who go against them in any way is mandatory viewing for all family members..._

  
_Summer was in full bloom, the sun beating down on our necks. It was silent even though the stands were full. Right up front where we were heading, there's the line of peacekeepers already hooded. It staged a lot like you could imagine they did back in the day during public executions. A guy in a scary black mask walks up to enforce the punishment. No one knows who they are so that they can go back into the public without scrutiny._

  
_Ahh and right up front we see mayor Jaha and his son…my best friend Wells. Even the most elite of Sanctum managed to make it in. You wouldn't normally expect the president at an ordinary everyday execution; I wonder what they're telling everybody. If I could manage to forget what was happening or what had happened, this could be considered a good thing. Having both of my best friends in the same place is a rare occasion as of late._

  
_I notice Jo and Wells were standing next to one another on the stage. Side-eyeing my mother and me as we walked up. Wells turns slightly and tries to get my attention, but his father snaps at him right as I make it a point to stare determinedly upfront. Right to the center… right to where my father is tied to the pole awaiting his execution._

  
_Once we reached our place Mayor Jaha made his way up to the podium. After pausing for what I can only assume was for dramatic effect, he began listing out my father's charges for all of district six to hear._

  
_My mother held me tight and started to whisper," it's going to be okay," over and over again. I'm not sure who she is trying to convince. In what possible way could any of this ever going to be okay? Then before I could blink. Before I could register everything that was going on around me, the shots rang out._

  
_My senses went haywire. I couldn't make head or tales of anything that was going on around me._

_Mayor Jaha started to speak to us; but I couldn't make out his words. It felt like the world was spinning. My world was spinning...my dad...my dad... My mother tried to get my attention by nudging me painfully in the side but I couldn't breathe. She shoved herself in front of me between the encroaching peacekeepers and slaps me across the face. A desperate attempt to help me get it together before I was next.Everything slowly came back into focus after that._

  
_Jaha repeated his question, "Clarke, do you understand that what your father did was wrong? That going against the Capitol in any way is unacceptable and that he deserved the sentence bestowed upon him today?”_

  
_All eyes were on me...this is the moment when you shake your head and pledge your loyalty to the Capitol. Instead, I let out a laugh of the exasperated form and inched closer to Jaha. "What he did?... You're just mad that he discovered what they have been doing all along. What you're all keeping from them," I whispered and nodded my head towards the crowd._

  
_The crowd started to whisper as his eyes flared at my response. A look I know all too well. Just what I was aiming for, getting under his skin. He leaned in closer to me, a lot like he’d do when he would give me and Wells a talking to as children. “I'm not sure what you're getting at, but I suggest you give up whatever it is you think that you're going to accomplish here and take the olive branch that I'm offering you and be grateful for it so you can go back home with your mother."_

  
_And in all the confidence that a kid with no backup shouldn't have, I vehemently whispered back, "I'm going to tell them all."_

  
_That was the final straw of course. With a flick of his finger, I was surrounded. My mother and Wells screaming at Jaha to stop this… The Lightbourne's staring blankly at me as I get taken to wherever I'm getting taken to._

  
_Ah, well, what else is a heartbroken daughter to do?_

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

All I can really remember from my first months of captivity is that all that I was able to do was scream and cry my heart out. I spent every moment so exhausted but was too terrified to sleep, afraid of what was going to happen to me along with visions flashed of my father's execution every time I closed my eyes...

Spending my days bawling for my mother like I was a lost child, which, I guess is exactly what I was. I certainly felt very lost. Moments filled with mourning my father. Hell, I even cried for Wells despite it all.

I behaved as I'd imagine that a caged wild animal would have. Watching your father get murdered right in front of you by a firing squad made up of family friends will do that to you I guess.

  
These four walls have been my only view for a little over a year and a half, I presume. Their color in stark white, making it all the harder to remember anything about the outside world. I know their plainness well. Then we have the light bar that spans the length of my ceiling, turning on when the sun rises and off when it sets. Trying its best to act like the big ball of fire and gas that's fading from my memory as each day passes. It's such a strange thing to have fade from your mind…the sun. If I ventured a guess to why they set this up the way that they did, I'd wager that it's their play at trying to keep me from losing my mind along with the time. That's the one thing that can happen to you while in solitary. Your mind goes. They must think that this poor act of sun will help to stifle the inevitable outcome.

Unfortunately, they fail to realize losing time is not all that'll get you in here. Your brain tries its best to compensate for the lack of stimulation at first. Your eyes strain against the color choice of the room desperate to find dimension, contrast, meaning. But eventually...neither one can do it any longer. They just get too tired. You eventually slip into yourself. Right before that though, your mind makes a last-ditch effort at keeping you sane. I've found myself circling this last-ditch effort, repeating moments and facts that I can remember about my life to help not slip down completely. It's worked... at least it has so far, It goes on like so.

My name is Clarke Griffin. I am sixteen years old. My home is district six. I studied medicine with my mother and learned how to paint from my father. I had a good loving family. My father unintentionally unearthed deep government secrets. The Capitol used no mercy against this. My father is dead and I am now a prisoner for vowing to tell... There is no mercy with them, they cannot be trusted. 

  
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

  
After I finally calmed down, I don't think that I moved for weeks, months maybe. My body was utterly exhausted from the pure unadulterated agony that had been coursing through it. When that feeling finally ebbed into nothingness, I was grateful. Being numb versus that, there is no question as to which sensation I'd prefer.

  
The doctors and guards came in more once I hit this state. Still cautiously though, I couldn't blame them. I had given one or more of them a minor injury or two before the fight had left me. What makes the situation even weirder is the fact that I know them. Despite them wearing those annoying masks so I could never tell who exactly was coming into the room. I still have to know them, if they're working here then they have to live in the community. I've studied beside some of these doctors while interning with my mother. We've had dinner with the guards and their families because of my father. I went to school with all of their children.

Lucky for me after a while they seemed to have remembered that once I was no longer animalistic... I believe that they were kinder to me then would typically be allowed. They stopped using the slot and dropped my food off inside my room, bringing me berries with my breakfast every now and again. A luxury I had rarely even gotten before. They were patient with me while I tried coaxing them into a conversation hoping that our familiarity would slip them up... the silence of it all was maddening. The small acts of kindnesses that they did offer though were things that I couldn't appreciate at the time. I wish I had.

  
After some time, my voice became nonexistent. My tears stopped flowing so smoothly... so constantly. Everything stopped really. Time lost all meaning. All that stupid light does now was disturb the all-day-everyday sleep schedule that I liked to keep to. Food has lost its taste. My body it's feeling.

  
It's been a few months now since they've done any of that those things. Our warm memories fading into their past, I assume.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

  
At about my year of imprisonment mark, when I seemed to have faded into the background of others' memories, he started to help me gain back my sanity. I say he because that's what his presence feels like to me. He became my guarding angel of sorts, sneaking in a book and some random art supplies with my food tray at least once a month. That's a guarding angel if I've ever seen one.

  
I cling to his gifts like they're a life raft and I'm stuck in the middle of the ocean. Which I might as well be. So long as I'm stuck in here... they're my only link to the outside world. So far, I have the Odessey, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and a tin full of charcoal pieces. In the first book, the day's date was hidden in between the text in the first chapter. Something I never thought that I'd be so excited to learn. I've been using the charcoal to keep track since then. It's been roughly 547 days since I was thrown into solitary.

  
Even with those rafts, it's still slipping from me…the world. I can’t remember the way that the wind felt when it brushed through my hair or what the sun feels like on my skin. The feeling of pure bliss while dancing in the circle with Wells and Josie when we got to visit the Capitol. Or the exhilaration of the possibility of trouble while running around in the moonlight when we snuck out past curfew. I don't remember what my mother's voice sounds like...

  
Looking up at the intense whiteness of my ceiling, I do my best to get lost in what fractured precious memories I still have left. Trying my best to remember what it had been like before...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♡  
> Hope you all enjoyed this first chapter! I've been pretty nervous about posting this but lucky for me I have a wonderful friend (@ladywinchester1967) and sister encouraging me from the sidelines (ꈍ ᴗ ꈍ✿)  
> I appreciate and feedback in the comments and of course kudos as well! ♡*:･ﾟ  
> Linking the mood board for this fic in case you want to check that out!  
> ♡ all the love ♡


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